Angela Lee reveals her sister Victoria took her own life, and her own struggles with suicide attempt

19/09/2023 21:39

Angele Lee, ONE Championship standout, recently penned an article for The Players' Tribune, where she revealed she attempted to take her own life back in 2017. It was initially believed that Lee was involved in a car accident that forced her out of her then-scheduled bout. However, Lee now reveals that the accident was, in fact, intentional, and an attempt at taking her own life.

"My car crash in November 2017 was not an accident. It was a suicide attempt," Lee wrote. "I was getting ready for my last title defense of the year, things started to snowball for me. Pressure, stress, and expectations all began to build up. I had tunnel vision and thought that this upcoming fight was the most important thing in my life. Looking back now, I had everything I could have wanted at the time, but I didn't realize it. Didn't fully appreciate it. Because I had gotten to a place where making weight for that fight was the biggest thing in the world to me.

"I told myself: If you don't get this done, you'll lose everything. And, as an athlete, in all honesty, that mentality can be useful and motivating. But it's also a double-edged sword. And, with me, I got to a point where I had pushed my mind and body too far. I couldn't stop thinking about the shame that would result if I wasn't able to make the fight. As someone who had never missed any competition in her entire life, that terrified me. It became all-encompassing. And, ultimately, I got to a point where I would rather take myself out of the equation than deal with what might come. That's where my head was at. It was all or nothing."

Lee explained that she had 12 pounds left to cut for the fight. When it became clear that the cut wasn't going her way, she first attempted to injure herself by breaking her arm, as an excuse to pull from the fight. She then tried to give herself a concussion. When neither of those options worked, she then went for a drive on the highway in Hawaii, where she attempted to take her own life.

"I just pressed my foot all the way down on the gas pedal. As far down as it would go," Lee said. "I don't know how fast I was going. But it was as fast as my car could move. I wanted to hit the guardrail as hard as I could, and I just remember turning the steering wheel and swerving and then hitting something, and then it was just … rolling. Rolling and rolling and rolling.

"When I opened my eyes, I was upside down. There was shattered glass everywhere. I remember waiting around in that car for a good bit of time, hanging upside down, just basically trying to process everything. Like…. Am I still here? Am I alive?"

Since, Lee has been working towards bouncing back from the suicide attempt. She says everyone is human and makes mistakes, and is currently in the midst of her healing process.

"Everything about this healing process has been a challenge, of course," Lee said. "It has been far from easy. But with each time that I share my story with another person … I still cry. Tears still fall. My voice still trembles. But, each time, it gets a little bit better.

"At this point, I'm just trying my best each day, and every day that looks different. But I'm OK with that. I realize now that I'm only human, we all are. We aren't meant to live a perfect, spotless life. I've come to learn that this life, it's life. It's about growing and learning to accept yourself. Some days are good, some are tough, but each day I choose to keep fighting. There are still many tough days. But how I navigate through those days is a lot better now. A lot healthier. I have tools to use and people I can count on to let them know how I'm feeling."

Furthermore, Lee admitted that her younger sister, Victoria, who passed away shortly after this past Christmas, actually took her own life. She has since started her own non-profit organization, Fightstory, where people can come and share their own stories of struggle.

"On Dec. 26, 2022, my younger sister, Victoria, took her own life," Lee said. "Fightstory was inspired by Victoria and the remarkable life that she lived at just 18 years old. Fightstory is just as much hers as it is mine. It's something we created together, to save lives and to try and make the world a better place. We want people to know that although you may feel lonely in your fight with mental health, you are not alone."

Finally, Lee ended with a message out to anyone who may be suffering with depression or other mental health issues.

"If you are struggling right now, if you are in a dark place, if you are contemplating ending your life, let us be the ones to say, we understand. We know how you feel," Lee said.

"It's not about being strong all the time. You don't need to fake it or pretend that everything is OK. There is so much strength in honesty and in asking for help. And we all can be there for each other."