Like black market BBQ, the Dolphins are cooked

08/09/2025 13:00

There's an adage about men when they reach their late-30s: They either get really into BBQ and buy a smoker, or get deeply invested in WWII history. I studied WWII in college, so now a massive drum smoker exists in my backyard. I mention this because the last three years of my life have been obsessed with cooking things low and slow, studying the maillard reaction, the great sauces of history, and knowing the precise temperature that intramuscular fat turns into collagen.

It turns out the Dolphins were put on the pit months ago, and they're about ready to be pulled to rest before carving.

Forget the garbage time touchdown to prevent the shutout, or the hilarious two-point conversion which was utterly meaningless. At no point on Sunday did the Miami Dolphins look like a team that had faith in its preparation, or a desire to play football. They were sleepwalking though their trip to Indianapolis, and rightfully punished for it, as Shane Steichen, Daniel Jones, and the underdog Colts dog-walked the Dolphins all game long.

We've seen performances like Miami's from other teams before, but it normally comes after Week 10 and is accompanied by reports that a coach has lost the locker room. What the Dolphins did showed on Sunday raises serious questions about Mike McDaniel's future with the organization, because of what a stark difference it was from his early tenure excitement.

It sucks, because I have really been rooting for McDaniel. There's something inherently fun about having a coach in the NFL who is a pure football nerd, not an ex-player or someone prepped for a head coaching gig for a decade as a coordinator. That said, the writing is on the wall now. This is the most fair-weather team in football, because when things are going well they're all smiles and happiness, but the second they experience adversity this team crumbles.

Look no further than Tyreek Hill, who couldn't even make it to halftime before he was infuriated with everything around him.

It's not McDaniel's fault that Hill was more preoccupied with complaining than competing, or that Tua Tagovailoa played like an unripe pumpkin — however, it is on him to have a plan when things aren't working. He was lost. You can only control what you can as a coach, but keeping a team's head in the game is the most basic, fundamental requirement of the NFL. There will always be moments where players are upset on the sideline, slamming their helmet, or blowing off steam when things fail, but when that permeates every drive it's a testament to a coach who has lost control.

Tagovailoa needs to be discussed further, because if we want to get reductive he's the biggest reason the Dolphins lost. This team is predicated on a need to make quick, accurate passes to stretch the field. When things click he can be very good, but there's an eternal issue with Tua as a quarterback and that's an inability to create outside the pocket, or make plays when the pressure is getting to him.

The Colts, to their credit, zeroed in on Tagovailoa's deficiencies. When he gets in a funk he can only throw to the right hand of the field, and not push the ball more than 10 yards downfield consistently. That sounds ridiculous, but look at his passing chart from NFL Next Gen Stats.

Tua was 4-for-10 on passes 10+ yards downfield, throwing two interceptions as part of it. Throwing to the left hand side of the field he was 3-for-7 — and this is extremely bizarre considering he's a left-handed quarterback and that should be his natural comfort zone as a passer.

The only thing he's asked to do in this offense is be accurate, and be on time. If he can't achieve those things then he's worthless. I know that's harsh, but the McDaniel passing offense really doesn't ask much from its QB because yards are expected to be gained on the YAC. It's extremely worrying that Tua couldn't move the football at all against a Colts defense that was 24th in the NFL in point allowed a year ago. Yes, they've improved — but not that much.

It's difficult to find a solid path forward for the Dolphins now. In the next three weeks they play each of their AFC East rivals, and based off Week 1 they look worse than every other team. Thankfully they're at home twice against the Patriots and Jets, but if we close out September and this team is 0-4, including 0-3 in their division then there might be reason to think McDaniel could be done by Halloween.

Let's roll around the rest of the league to see the biggest winners and losers from Week 1.

Winner: Aaron Rodgers … as much as I hate to admit it

You can dislike a player personally and acknowledge when they ball out. Truth be told: I really can't decide whether the Steelers' win over the Jets on Sunday was a lesson in Aaron Rodgers' brilliance, or a testament to how mediocre the Jets defense is. Time will tell on that one.

What we do know is everything that Rodgers did right, and then more things that surprised — and there was a lot of it. Obviously there's the efficiency, which has been a Rodgers hallmark for his entire career. Completing 73 percent of his passes, but it was the ability to make plays vertically that was sorely lacking in New York last year, and the biggest reason many thought Rodgers' arm was cooked.

Not only did Rodgers throw the ball around like it was five years ago, but he's managed to help mold D.K. Metcalf into a quick-twitch receiver at the line of scrimmage, rather than pure deep threat. If this hold the Steelers offense is going to be something to watch this season, and we'll have to assume they'll find a way to patch up their defense.

Loser: The Detroit Lions

The Lions have been the great question not enough people were asking. There's been this eternal faith that Dan Campbell's brilliance would be able to transcend the losses of Ben Johnson and Aaron Glenn as offensive and defensive coordinator. It's only one week, but my goodness it was a hell of a poor display.

Detroit just looked lost on both sides of the ball. A team normally rich with answers for every situation instead came up with nothing, and this was an early statement game for both the Lions and Packers. They needed to come out and show the world that they're still the big dogs in the NFC North, no matter how much hype was behind Green Bay. Instead they were utterly embarrassed.

This was arguably the worst performance under Campbell since the Lions began their ascent. It's too early to write off the Lions, but it's worth watching to see if either of the new coordinators can pivot and come up with answers. Filling the shoes of Johnson and Glenn was always going to be tough, but that was an abysmal showing in Lambeau.

Winner: Emeka Egbuka

There were a lot of brilliant rookie performances in Week 1 that shows this class could be special. Ashton Jeanty was solid in with limited opportunities, Travis Hunter looked great with the chances he had, and Tetairoa McMillan was the only bright spot for the hapless Panthers on Sunday — but when the dust settled only one rookie reigned supreme, and that was Emeka Egbuka of the Bucs.

Egbuka was a fascinating pick by the Buccaneers in the first round this year. On the surface they already had Mike Evans, and re-signed Chris Godwin — so a third receiver was a total luxury. Ultimately he was the biggest single difference maker in Tampa Bay's win over the Falcons, finishing with two receiving TDs in his NFL debut.

The thing about Ebuka is that he adds a whole other element to Tampa's offense. Evans might be a pure possession guy over the middle at this point in his career, and Godwin still has deep threat ability — but Egbuka splits the middle with big play potential and safe hands, showing both when his team needed it the most.

This is going to be a player to watch.

Loser: Big plays

Week 1 is always an extremely weird, with most of the offenses around the NFL trying to find their footing. We know that very few teams look their best, but my goodness offenses around the league were sorry. Truthfully, we can only really credit the Colts, Steelers, Ravens and Bills for truly looking great on offense in Week 1.

Don't believe me? Look at the numbers:

• Only 13 quarterbacks threw for over 200 yards
• Only five receivers finished with over 100 receiving yards
• There were only 12 receptions of 30+ yards on Sunday across the league
• Only 15 running backs finished with over 50 rushing yards

Defense absolutely reigned supreme around the NFL. Keep this in mind if you team had a particularly ugly opening game on offense and you immediately think your team was the outlier. The truth is that almost everyone was bad on offense, and we all have a tendency to think that our team was the onlyone to be bad. Revisit this in a few weeks. If your offense is still struggling then, hit the panic button.

Winner: The Buffalo-freaking-Bills

Now THAT is how you make a statement. Honestly, I cannot believe I'm sitting here late on Sunday night writing about the Bills comeback, because that was one of the most unbelievable things I've seen in a first week … ever.

It would have been so easy to pack it up when they were down 40-25 with less than 12 minutes to play. I don't even know if there would have been shame in it. The Ravens were an elite team, live to fight another day, all that jazz. Instead this team showed absolutely no sign of panic, had ice water in their veins, and decided to just step up and take the bull by the horns.

Josh Allen showed whey he's the MVP when everything mattered the most. Keon Coleman stepped up on so many critical plays — not just the touchdown, but moving the chains to make big-time catches when the team needed to stop the clock.

Games like this are the difference between hoisting a trophy when it's all said and done, and walking away a loser once more. You can start a big season off a result like this, and the Bills showed the league they aren't going to roll over.

Loser: Baltimore Ravens

I had this whole section written out about how the Ravens were winners, establishing themselves as the class of the AFC — yadda, yadda, yadda. Then that happened. It doesn't matter how great Derrick Henry ran on the ground, because he fumbled it away. I don't care that Zay Flowers and DeAndre Hopkins played brilliant football, when they can't get a first down when it matters most. I don't care that the defense held up the Bills for most of the game, when they folded like paper when it's important.

The loss is endemic of everything wrong with the Ravens. When everything mattered the most they became a one-dimensional offense that asked Lamar Jackson to do everything with nobody to support him. When Henry uncharacteristically fumbled, nobody on the defense was there to cover for him.

When the dust settled the Bills played like a team, the Ravens turned into a conglomeration of talented individuals. That was the difference.

Additional thoughts …

• The Panthers offense was UGLY in Week 1. Perhaps you can chalk that up to LT Ikem Ekwonu being out, or the lightning delay, or WR Jalen Coker being hurt — but that was an atrocious start to the season for Carolina. They really missed Adam Thielen, and the only reliable receiver on offense was Tetairoa McMillan.
• It's far too early to worry about Cameron Ward, but the Titans have to find ways to push the ball downfield. In the long run it doesn't matter if he makes mistakes and throw picks, because it's far more important to his development to have faith in him to make plays without putting too many training wheels on the offense.
• Denver got the W, but I'd be a little worried about how inefficient the offense is moving forward. Sean Payton can't have Bo Nix throw 40 times a game for 176 yards while he ignores the running game. They won't be facing the Titans every week.
• I'm pretty hyped if I'm a Browns fan today. Sure, y'all lost the game in hilarious fashion — but holding the Bengals offense to 141 yards while Joe Flacco played well is heartening for the rest of the year.
• These Saints uniforms need to be burnt in a fire and never ever come back.